Oreo Walnut Brownies of Failure

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Last Saturday I decided to throw together a last-minute batch of brownies for Leandro to take to a cookout with “the guys.”  Both because I was in the mood to bake, and because I’m practicing being a good Armenian housewife.

I’ve been using the Epicurious Cocoa Brownies recipe forever, but have never actually followed their recommended procedure (which is to melt the sugar, butter, salt, and cocoa together in a saucepan before adding the other ingredients). I’ve always just done the wet + dry method.  So this time, I set out to follow the recipe instructions and see whether they come out any better than they usually do.

The answer was “no” and a bunch of swear words.

Reviews

“We are men, our comments are like Twitter bots…we just munch saying ‘yum.'”
– Leandro

Ingredients

See here, plus:
1 extra egg
3/4 cup walnuts
1 cup pulverized Oreo crumbs (like when you put Oreos in a food processor)

The afternoon started off well – I did a good job pouring the sugar.  Into the pot it all goes.

This was not. Coming. Together.  The cocoa was solidifying into chunks that floated in melted butter.  I don’t think sifting it would have helped.  This procedure is a giant fail.

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This is the vomitous base of my brownies, transferred to a glass bowl in the hopes that the extra stirring room would help it come together.

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It worked (kinda), but this still looks pretty horrid.  At least it’s mixed enough that I can add eggs.

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“All this chocolate sure smells nice.  Would be a shame if someone were to poop in the kitchen.”

By this time, I was frustrated and worried enough about the outcome of these brownies that I no longer cared to follow the Epicurious recipe exactly.  So I added 3 eggs, then the flour, and then some walnuts and a cup of pulverized Oreo crumbs.  The result was horrifically, cloyingly sweet.  Oops.

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Oh, well.  Into the oven it went.

They were extremely sweet and rich, but certainly not bad at all.  At least the crackly top came out nice.

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Verdict: Possibly suitable for 5-year-olds due to the extreme sugar content, but no 5-year-old’s mother would want their kid to eat this.  Probably would not make this again.  (Definitely not using this procedure.)

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Oreo Walnut Brownies of Failure

Oreo Zatar

I made it.

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Featuring: melted oreo cream, chocolate peanut butter, and chocolate cake

 

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In your honor, Katrina.

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My Oreo quest is now complete.

Oreo Zatar

Oreo Rice Banana Brownies

What to do with leftover Oreo rice?  The only thing I know how with

AAAUUGHHHHHHH WHYYYYYYYY didn’t I put it in the food processor?!?!?!!  That way there wouldn’t be awkward disgusting grains of rice in my brownies.  I DON’T FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THIS I AM SO STUPIIIIDDDDDDDD

Ok back to the recipe.  But really, I am stupid.

With my leftover Oreo rice, I did the only thing I know how with chocolatey starchy goops: turn them into brownie batter.

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With chocolate milk powder on top, because I’m disgusting

Ingredients

4 oz semisweet chocolate
3 tbsp butter
1 egg
1 mashed banana
1/3 c sugar (half brown, half white)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 batch Oreo rice

Procedure

Melt the chocolate and butter in the microwave and mix them together.  Let it cool a minute and then mix in the egg and sugar.  Stir in the mashed banana and vanilla.

Mix in the Oreo rice.  If you aren’t as stupid as me, you would run it through the food processor first so that you don’t have huge nasty-ass chunks of rice in your nice brownies.

Bake in a buttered 8×8-inch pan at “medium-low” for about 25 minutes.

Verdict

Very moist and chocolatey, but about as tasty as you would expect a brownie full of rice to be.  Not sure I will serve this to anyone.

Oreo Rice Banana Brownies

Oreo Rice (CRAP)

I’m sorry, Mom.  My Oreo rice wasn’t good.  I guess I wasn’t the right person to carry out your dream.

I let you down.

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Recipe: http://www.buzzfeed.com/melissaharrison/how-to-make-oreo-rice

Oreo rice photo journal

Step 1. Gathering the ingredients.

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Oh, yeah – I substituted soy milk for milk.  That might have had something to do with it.

Step 2. Butter in a pan…waiting for some rice grains which it can lovingly coat.

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Step 3. Rice + soy milk in the pot.

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Forgot to stir the rice in the butter, which made for some nice sticking later.

Step 4. Once boiling again, added the Oreos.

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This photo is upside-down but I am too lazy to fix it

Step 5. After letting it cook covered for 15 minutes.  Didn’t add enough soy milk from the start, so I had to supplement with more and leave it to cook for a while longer.

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Ever had your house smell like rice and Oreos at the same time?  I have.

Step 6. Eating my disappointment.

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I topped mine with dulce de leche.  The white stuff was more soy milk that I poured on top in an attempt to make it creamier.  (It was unsuccessful.)

 

Oreo Rice (CRAP)

I finally made Lumps of Coal

Been itching to try these since I first saw them on Pinterest…and I finally found a bag of non-fruit-flavored marshmallows to make it with!

They taste like biting into a highly compressed and chewy mass of solid Oreo.  So if that doesn’t sound appealing, maybe don’t try this.

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One more ticked off from the Pinterest to-do list

Ingredients

Oreos (33 cookies)
1/4 c butter
5 handfuls jumbo marshmallows

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  1. Line a pan with parchment and butter it heavily.
  2. Pulverize Oreos into crumbs.
  3. Heat butter on low until it melts.  Add marshmallows and keep stirring.
  4. When the marshmallows are melted, stir in the Oreo crumbs.
  5. It’ll set quick, so work fast: take it off the heat and press the goo into the greased pan.  Let it set in the fridge.  (They taste better cold, so it’s best to leave them for a while.)
I finally made Lumps of Coal

Oreo Potato Chip Brownies (Weird)

My second attempt at Oreo man bars, but after cooking them they turned into brownies.

Reviews

“They’re ‘chocolate chip’ brownies…heeeeheehee”
– Leandro

How to make ’em

Start with some Oreos in a food processor.  I think I used 22 Oreos, and maybe 5 or 6 sheets of graham crackers?  Crumbs go in a bowl, along with a can of sweetened condensed milk and a teaspoon of vanilla.

After stirring and tasting, I realized that it was painfully sweet and needed something salty and bulky to balance it out.  Salted peanuts or pretzels would have been perfect, but I had neither.  But you know what I did have?

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Heeheeehee.

Mixed them until the chips were all broken up.

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Still tasted better raw than baked

Next, into the oven on “medium-low” for 20-ish minutes.

The tops were crackly, and the texture was very brownie-like (albeit a bit dry because mine burned around the edges).  So sadly, these cannot be called man bars.

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There was no potato chip flavor in the finished product.

 

 

Oreo Potato Chip Brownies (Weird)

Oreo Balls

Suggested by Lara.

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Ingredients

18 Oreos
1/2 c cream cheese
White chocolate

Original recipe here.

Step 1:

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Step 2:

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Step 3:

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Step 4: freeze them for 20 minutes or so while you melt the chocolate.

Step 5: coat them in melted white chocolate – what a pain in the ass this was.  I ran out of chocolate near the end, so I rolled the last two in cocoa powder.

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They don’t like the picture from the recipe 😦
Oreo Balls