The Worst Cake I’ve Ever Made (CRAP)

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Ever since the resounding success of the chocolate mousse banana ice cream, I’ve been stockpiling mousse and pudding mixes in hope that I’d have another stroke of processed chocolate luck.  Today was not that day.

I decided I’d try out a flourless chocolate cake, with the batter based mostly on eggs and chocolate pudding mix:

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Ingredients:
5 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp instant coffee powder
1/4 c cream cheese
1 65g (2.3 oz) package chocolate pudding mix
3 tbsp milk
1/3 c flour

I started with beating the 5 eggs for about 8 minutes, until they were foamy and lightened.

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See this?  It’s a cheap and sub-par replacement for coffee extract.  A teaspoon of hot water mixed with a teaspoon of instant coffee granules.

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I added this, plus vanilla, cream cheese, and pudding mix, to the eggs.

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It has deflated completely.  I guess whipping the eggs that long was actually a useless endeavor.  I probably should have separated them and whipped just the whites.

Test-tasting revealed that the batter was very thin and vomit-inducingly sweet.  I added some milk, and about 1/3 cup of flour.  My cake has lost its identity.  Now it’s just bad chocolate cake with too many eggs.

Oh no.  I bet it’s going to cook up like an omelette.  I should have put more flour.  And oil.  A lot more flour.

5:38pm: a foul smell is afoot in the kitchen.  This is what awaits me when I open the oven door:

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The cake is pretty much what I expected it to be: gummy, rubbery, and fairly foul.

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At least my new cell phone camera is pretty nice

Verdict: I should really stop making up my own recipes.

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The Worst Cake I’ve Ever Made (CRAP)

Chocolate Banana Mousse Ice Cream in the Food Processor

Not to be confused with this banana ice cream, which got the “CRAP!” tag.  This version is delicious.

banana chocolate pudding ice cream

Reviews:
“That looks so good!”
– Lara

“I have six dozen bananas in my freezer”
– Momk2-_4ce57ad4-4132-4a42-92be-5cfab500e25d-v3

Ingredients:
2 frozen solid, very ripe bananas
Dash of vanilla extract
~4 tbsp instant chocolate mousse (or pudding) mix
2 tbsp heavy cream
1 tbsp milk

xjyemeiBanana tips for great success!

  • They should be brown and spotty when you freeze them.
  • Peeling frozen bananas is one of the most miserable kitchen tasks you will ever attempt.  So instead, take the peels off before you freeze them, and put the naked ‘naners in a freezer bag.  Really.  It’s worth the extra 20 seconds.

 

Procedure

Break up the bananas into chunks and deposit them into the food processor.  Run it on high just long enough to break them into evenly-sized, grainy, still-frozen bits.  No more than 5-6 seconds.  (The goal is to not let them melt.)

Add the rest of the ingredients and spin it on high until it’s the consistency of ice cream.  You’ll probably have to stop once or twice and scrape the sides of the bowl down.  As soon as it looks like ice cream, STOP.  Do not overprocess, or it will turn into a thick partially-melted smoothie.

Put it into a tupperware with a tight-sealing lid, and stash it in the freezer for 15-30 minutes to firm up a little.  I recommend stirring before you eat.

Chocolate Banana Mousse Ice Cream in the Food Processor