Guest Baker: Curtis Makes Butter

This is Curtis.  He likes butter.  But this weekend, he found himself in a predicament: he wanted to butter his bread, but had no butter.

Curtis may have keys, but he is not a janitor.

Poor Curtis.  Luckily, he had heavy whipping cream and a stand mixer.  Just add salt and whip away!

Stage 1: whipped cream

Stage 2: curdled barf

Stage 3: friends who are doubting your word

Stage 4: BUTTER

(Tip: throw the white liquid out)

“It looks like butter”
– Mattias

“It tastes like butter”
– Amy

Guest Baker: Curtis Makes Butter

How Not to Make Caramel Sauce (Crappy)

Today’s experiment began when I watched a show on El Gourmet, a.k.a. the Agentine Food Network, where the chef dumped nothing but brown sugar into a pan and made the easiest caramel sauce ever.  It bubbled into a molten sugar soup, and after adding a generous pat of butter, the sauce became smooth and shiny and ready to coat her popcorn.

Now wouldn’t that be nice to top my leftover banana bread?  NO.

melted caramel sauce

Muscovado sugar
Cream cheese

Virginia Sar
“I made it look so easy, didn’t I?”

Start with a non-stick pan over medium-low heat.  Put a few spoonfuls of sugar in it and leave it alone for a few minutes, just like Virginia Sar did.

Ok, I actually have no idea how long she left it on the heat, and I don’t know if I was supposed to leave the room while it was heating.  I’m guessing I was not because when I came back, it was burned and my apartment was starting to smell horrible.

The pan was so hot that the sugar-lava continued to melt and burn while I was trying to evacuate it.  Since I had to boil water in the pan to clear it out, I was treated to the fragrant aroma of burned cane sugar all over again.

The pan lives to fry another day

No more stove.

my microwave
True story: found a cockroach in here a few months ago
Finlandia cream cheese
It’s not Philadelphia – it’s “Finlandia!”

For my second attempt, I put some sugar in a baby coffee cup, saran-wrapped it shut, and nuked it on medium until it was bubbly and just about to reach up and incorporate itself with the plastic wrap.

Put a small pat of butter in there with the melted sugar, let the butter dissolve, and mix it up.  Add salt.  This stuff will harden, but for a spreadable sauce, add some cream cheese.

It came out okay, but this sugar has a weird aftertaste, so I probably won’t make it again.  It might be better with brown sugar.

caramel spread on bread
Like my plates?  So that you always know what to put on them.
How Not to Make Caramel Sauce (Crappy)