Oreo Rice Banana Brownies

What to do with leftover Oreo rice?  The only thing I know how with

AAAUUGHHHHHHH WHYYYYYYYY didn’t I put it in the food processor?!?!?!!  That way there wouldn’t be awkward disgusting grains of rice in my brownies.  I DON’T FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THIS I AM SO STUPIIIIDDDDDDDD

Ok back to the recipe.  But really, I am stupid.

With my leftover Oreo rice, I did the only thing I know how with chocolatey starchy goops: turn them into brownie batter.

IMG_20160420_232805_compressed
With chocolate milk powder on top, because I’m disgusting

Ingredients

4 oz semisweet chocolate
3 tbsp butter
1 egg
1 mashed banana
1/3 c sugar (half brown, half white)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 batch Oreo rice

Procedure

Melt the chocolate and butter in the microwave and mix them together.  Let it cool a minute and then mix in the egg and sugar.  Stir in the mashed banana and vanilla.

Mix in the Oreo rice.  If you aren’t as stupid as me, you would run it through the food processor first so that you don’t have huge nasty-ass chunks of rice in your nice brownies.

Bake in a buttered 8×8-inch pan at “medium-low” for about 25 minutes.

Verdict

Very moist and chocolatey, but about as tasty as you would expect a brownie full of rice to be.  Not sure I will serve this to anyone.

Advertisements
Oreo Rice Banana Brownies

Chocolate Banana Mousse Ice Cream in the Food Processor

Not to be confused with this banana ice cream, which got the “CRAP!” tag.  This version is delicious.

banana chocolate pudding ice cream

Reviews:
“That looks so good!”
– Lara

“I have six dozen bananas in my freezer”
– Momk2-_4ce57ad4-4132-4a42-92be-5cfab500e25d-v3

Ingredients:
2 frozen solid, very ripe bananas
Dash of vanilla extract
~4 tbsp instant chocolate mousse (or pudding) mix
2 tbsp heavy cream
1 tbsp milk

xjyemeiBanana tips for great success!

  • They should be brown and spotty when you freeze them.
  • Peeling frozen bananas is one of the most miserable kitchen tasks you will ever attempt.  So instead, take the peels off before you freeze them, and put the naked ‘naners in a freezer bag.  Really.  It’s worth the extra 20 seconds.

 

Procedure

Break up the bananas into chunks and deposit them into the food processor.  Run it on high just long enough to break them into evenly-sized, grainy, still-frozen bits.  No more than 5-6 seconds.  (The goal is to not let them melt.)

Add the rest of the ingredients and spin it on high until it’s the consistency of ice cream.  You’ll probably have to stop once or twice and scrape the sides of the bowl down.  As soon as it looks like ice cream, STOP.  Do not overprocess, or it will turn into a thick partially-melted smoothie.

Put it into a tupperware with a tight-sealing lid, and stash it in the freezer for 15-30 minutes to firm up a little.  I recommend stirring before you eat.

Chocolate Banana Mousse Ice Cream in the Food Processor

Banana Cream Pie

For when everyone is requesting one.

IMG_20151229_134829_compressed

Recipe:

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/12151/banana-cream-pie-i/

Changes:

  1. Replace pie crust with graham cracker crust:
    1. 1 1/4 c graham cracker crumbs
    2. 1 stick butter
    3. 1 tbsp sugar
    4. 1/4 tsp salt
  2. Add a layer of chocolate weirdness to the bottom of the crust after it’s baked and cooled:
    1. 4 oz melted semisweet chocolate
    2. 2 tbsp cream cheese
    3. some milk to thin it
    4. vanilla
    5. mix everything together and spread on the crust (without tearing it)
  3. Add 2 oz of cream cheese to the pudding while it’s still warm and stir.
  4. Don’t bake 15 mins at the end.  (why is this necessary)
  5. Whipped cream.

Photo arrangements by mom

IMG_20151229_134841_compressed
That’s cinnamon on top…not my idea
IMG_20151229_134857_compressed
Look at this plant!
IMG_20151229_134901_compressed
Top view – mom did not recommend this positioning but I did it anyway
IMG_20151229_135043_compressed
Oh no, we forgot to include grandma’s pie server in the setup!
IMG_20151229_135053_compressed
Let me play you a tune on my flute

 

Banana Cream Pie

Banana Ice Cream with No Cream (CRAP)

I’ve done this many times, but it turns out a lot better when you have peanut butter.

IMG_20151201_205323

Two bananas + four strawberries.

IMG_20151201_205816

+ Yogurt + honey + brown sugar + vanilla + salt.  Let it run to combine and it’ll form a really ultra thick fruit smoothie.

Then add three heaping tablespoons of cocoa and pulse again.

IMG_20151201_224046
Passport + nail polish made it into this splendid shot

The healthy-but-lame alternative to ice cream.  I promise that it’s actually very tasty when you do it with peanut butter instead of yogurt.

Banana Ice Cream with No Cream (CRAP)

Cinnamon Sugar Swirl Banana Bread

Much sugar I sense in you.

cinnamon swirl banana bread
This is what you do when you want to try it with peanut butter but can’t commit to putting it on the whole slice.

Reviews:
“it’s delicious!  lots so different”
– Leandro

mashing bananas with a fork
I need to get a potato masher. Bonus: my feet

Ingredients:
3 smashy ‘naners
1/4 c oil
1/4 c plain yog
3/4 c shug (half white, half muscovado)
1 eggie-poo
2 tsp vanilly-pie
1 tsp baking soder
1/2 tsp salty salts
1 1/2 c fleeuuuuur
1/4 tsp nuttiemeg
1/4 tsp grated gingie-ginge
handful of dry rolled oats
plus butt-butt and more flour for the loaf pan

For the swirl:
1/4 cup white sugar
1 tbsp cinnamonniemonsterpants

(Recipe adapted from Lovin’ from the Oven.)

Preheat your oven to “medium.”  This is what Argentine oven knobs look like, so I have no idea what temperature this is.

argentine oven knobs with no temperature
(The oven is on the far right) **EDIT: nope. Left
muscovado sugar in a sieve
Pushing muscovado sugar through a sieve is a waste of time and will not accomplish anything

Mix the mashed ‘naners with the sugar, eggie-poo, yogz and vanilly.  Whisk thoroughly.  In a second bowl, mix together the dry ingredients (flour, Arm & Hammer, bath salts, and spices).

Bring the dry and wet together in a union of eternal power and world domination.  Mix only to combine – do not overmix this shizz.

May I take a moment to mention how nice it is to have US standard measuring cups at home now?

 

measuring cup with flour
PROGRESS
ziploc tupperware
This was my old measuring cup…it holds 2 cups so just fill it halfway for 1!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a baby bowl, mix together the cinn and sug to make the swirlie-whirlie.

Did you prep your loaf pan by buttering and flouring it?  If so, pour in half the batter.  Sprinkle a thick layer of the cinnsugswirl mixture over the batter in the pan, and then pour the rest of the batter over the top.  Sprinkle oats over the top to make it look pretty.

Take it to the oven for no idea I didn’t time it like 45 minutes?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
(Jiggy Nye loves this bread)

Cinnamon Sugar Swirl Banana Bread

Banana Walnut Frozen “Yog-Cream” with Chocolate Cheesecake Swirl (Crappy)

Welcome to my first crappy food post.  This was adapted from Alton Brown’s Banana Ice Cream, which looked like a good way to use up frozen yellow light sabers…until I put in too many bananas and made too many bad substitutions.

Reviews
“Is it a smoothie?”
– Mom

Ingredients
About 6-7 frozen bananas
1 tbsp lemon juice
2/3 c light corn syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 c half-and-half
1/2 c nonfat vanilla Greek yogurt
2/3 c walnuts

For the cheesecake swirl:
3 tbsp cream cheese
3 tbsp sour cream
2 1/2 tbsp granulated sugar
3 tbsp cocoa powder

Make sure the core of your ice cream maker is in the freezer.  (This is the ice cream version of “preheat your oven to 350.”)  Take your bananas out of the freezer and let them thaw on the counter.

Once the bananas look good and disgusting, assemble your ingredients and take a photo.

ingredients
Clockwise, from left: bananas, bad greek yogurt, lemon juice, half-and-half, blueberries, cheddar & jalapeno chips, chocolate chips, more bananas
bananas processing
Let’s look inside!

Dump those bananas in a food processor with the lemon juice and vanilla.  Pulse a few times, then open the lid and add in the corn syrup.  Spin some more, then open up and dump in the half-and-half and yogurt.  Don’t pour them in gradually like Alton Brown suggests because who has the time or patience for that crap.

**For the record: I didn’t see that the yogurt was non-fat!!

At this point, the food processor will start leaking because you put way too much in it.  Good job.

Pour the goop into a 1-quart Pyrex bowl – and since you just made ice cream, you’ve already learned that the machine can only take a quart of liquid!  So you’ll fill that Pyrex up to the 1-quart line.  Chill it in the fridge for 2 hours.

>> What to do with the rest of the mixture?  Make crappy cristally ice cream.  Just put the leftover puree into a tupperware, pop it in the freezer, and stir every hour until it freezes.

When you’re ready to churn, assemble your robot and gradually pour in the ice cream mixture.  Let it churn according to the manufacturer’s instructions, and while it’s working, toast the walnuts over medium/medium-high heat for 5 minutes (then set them aside).  Do not skip toasting or you will be ruining an already bad dessert.

mixing ice cream

cheesecake swirl
Cheesecake swirl mantra: you must try three different stirring implements before finding a spoon that sort-of works

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your ice cream should still be churning, so it’s time to assemble the cheesecake swirl.  Mix together the cream cheese, sour cream, sugar, and cocoa powder in a small bowl until very smooth.

Once the ice cream is ready, fold in all but 2-3 tbsp of the walnuts before you release it from cryofreeze.  Dump it into an oh-so-cute tupperware (look how nice it fits) and then schlop on globs of the cheesecake mixture all around the top.  Use a butter knife to swirl the globs so that it makes a pretty fudge swirl.  Decorate the top with the remaining walnuts, and put it in the freezer to harden for 3 hours or so.

finished banana ice cream
Ok, so I folded instead of swirled. I screwed it up even more. Do not follow my example.

Verdict: half-and-half plus nonfat yogurt do not an ice cream make.  They make creamy banana sorbet.  Not sure if the walnuts and cheesecake swirl offer any redemption.

JUST USE CREAM, FOLKS.

Banana Walnut Frozen “Yog-Cream” with Chocolate Cheesecake Swirl (Crappy)