Cinnamon Raisin Chia Seed Pudding

Adapted from Minimalist Baker.

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I made the original chocolate version later, but forgot to take pics.  I’ll give you both recipes.

Reviews

“I don’t like it…I’m sorry”
– Leandro

Cinnamon Raisin

1 1/4 cups soy milk
1/3 cup chia seeds
1 1/2 tbsp honey (my soy milk was sweetened…you might need more sweetener than I did)
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 tbsp raisins

Blend everything together and let it run for a few minutes until it’s all smooth.  Pour it into cute little jars and let it sit in the fridge for a few hours to set.  (Just like real pudding.)

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This is what an empty blender looks like

Chocolate (no pics, but it pretty much looks like chocolate pudding)

1 1/2 cups soy milk
1/3 cup chia seeds
2 tbsp brown sugar (my soy milk was sweetened…you might need more sweetener than I did)
1 tsp vanilla
pinch of salt
1/4 cup cocoa powder

Procedure is the same as above.

More cinnamon raisin money shots:

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Cinnamon Raisin Chia Seed Pudding

Oreo Cookie Peanut Butter

This is going to be the only thing I put into my mouth until the jars are empty.

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Tastes like incredibly fudgy, chocolately brownie batter filled with crack and a satisfying hint of peanut butter.  This is more dangerous than Nutella.

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Ingredients

22 Oreo cookies (Argenfriends: that’s two of these)
2.5 tbsp peanut butter
~1.5 tbsp peanut oil (walnut oil or a neutral-flavored veg oil would also work)
2-4 tbsp milk (ideally not skim)

Grind the Oreos in a food processor until they’re nothing but tiny crumbs.  Then add the peanut butter and oil, and let the food processor run for an eternity.  Mine was going for about ten minutes, with interruptions to scrape down the sides of the bowl.  (Mine is a piece of shit, though, so yours might not take so long.)

The reason you’re letting it grind for such a long time is to get all the cookie crumbs smooth and moistened.  But even after ten minutes, the texture will still be very grainy and it’ll look kind of like a ball of dough rolling around in there.  Drizzle in the milk to help turn it into butter – start with two tablespoons, and if it’s still not as smooth as you’d like, add a little more.

Thank you, giant box of Oreos from Makro (a.k.a. the Costco of Argentina).

oreos from makro

Dear friends and family – what Oreo recipes do YOU want to see?

I’m so happy that you’re all a part of my life.  I’d like to make my Oreos a part of yours.

The box above contains 36 sleeves of Oreos (that’s 396 cookies) that are to be consumed before their expiration on July 16, 2016.  What Oreo snacks do YOU want me to make?

The winner will receive:

A personal Oreo chef!

I will visit your house and make your Oreo dessert for you.  I’ll also do your dishes.

Or if you don’t want a personal Oreo chef…

A memorable souvenir package of these Oreos!  (Warning: might be expired by the time I get them to you.)

Comment/email/Facebook me your idea.  Please.  Please participate.  I have so many Oreos.

Oreo Cookie Peanut Butter

Liquid Salad (CRAP)

What to do when you have a toothache:

Go to the dentist.

What not to do when you have a toothache:

Put salad ingredients in the food processor and liquefy them, because you’ve been eating nothing but soft fruits and polenta since yesterday and you really really just want to eat at least something that contains vegetables today.

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This was not tasty like V8, and it was still not fit for consumption in my condition because chunks of crunchy carrot and leathery tomato skins were still floating in there unprocessed.  Homemade vegetable juice sans juicer was a fail all around.

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Maybe call it “salad gazpacho” instead?
Liquid Salad (CRAP)

Pretzel Peanut Man Bars

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I found PRETZELS by my house!

Palermo Hollywood gringos, they were here: https://es.foursquare.com/v/carrefour-express/5024480be4b06878f9bd96f4  But alas, no sooner had I bought a bag than the Carrefour Express stopped carrying them.  Next time, I’ll have to buy a supply.

Ingredients

~180g graham cracker crumbs
1 c chocolate chips
1/2 c roasted salted peanuts
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
2/3 c salted pretzels

Mix the graham cracker crumbs, chocolate chips, and peanuts together.  Add the sweetened condensed milk and vanilla, and stir to combine thoroughly.

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Mix the pretzels in next.  I did it this way for two reasons:
a. to keep them from breaking too much whilst stirring in the condensed milk
b. to keep them (relatively) crunchy.

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Press it into a very well-buttered 8×8-inch pan and smooth out the top.  Before you do this, don’t forget to eat some of the uncooked batter.  It’s still better raw than cooked.

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Pretzels!

Bake around 25 minutes on “medium.”  Let them cool, cut them up, and cover them with powdered sugar.  Enjoy your sugary pretzel-y snack.

Pretzel Peanut Man Bars

I Baked Real Whole-Wheat Bread

Real bread, with yeast!  Not beer bread (though that one is not bad…but it doesn’t really count as bread.)

Recipe here.  I didn’t add millet, because wtf is millet, but that was the only thing I changed.

Step 1: bring the yeast to life in warm water until they’re “foamy.”

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This didn’t look “foamy” at all, but I proceeded anyway.

Step 2: add the flours + salt and place in an oiled bowl to double in size.  (1 hour on the counter.)

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Step 3: knead a bit.

kneaded dough
What organ does this look the most like?

Step 4: leave to rise one more hour.

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My dough is shy and chose to hide in the oven

Step 5: squish the sides in a bit, because you left it to rise way longer than an hour and it’s absurdly broad and flat.  Score the top.

risen dough
What protozoic organism does this look the most like?

Step 6: bake 30 minutes at “just below medium-high.”

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The fruits of my loafbor

And then you may eat.

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What I learned from baking real bread

There is a reason that the instructions are always to “cool on a wire rack.”  I let it cool on the baking sheet, and the bottom of my loaf is now mushy and has these light-colored wet bumps that look like blisters or some kind of infection.  Will not be showing the underside to anyone.

The wire cooling rack is your friend.

I Baked Real Whole-Wheat Bread