Six days later, my house still smells like fried food.
It was worth it, though.
Step 1: mix yourself some pancake batter.
Step 2: Oil-heating. This is when it started to get stinky.
The victims – about to take a bath in pancake batter.
Time to fry. I didn’t have a fry thermometer, so I didn’t realize how hot I had let the oil get. (Probably why it stunk so much.) I didn’t even have time to get a pic of the first batch frying because they turned black so quickly.
The cut-cookie money shot is slightly less glamorous this way.
On to the next batch. I managed to get a pic of them frying this time:
Real bread, with yeast! Not beer bread (though that one is not bad…but it doesn’t really count as bread.)
Recipe here. I didn’t add millet, because wtf is millet, but that was the only thing I changed.
Step 1: bring the yeast to life in warm water until they’re “foamy.”
Step 2: add the flours + salt and place in an oiled bowl to double in size. (1 hour on the counter.)
Step 3: knead a bit.
Step 4: leave to rise one more hour.
Step 5: squish the sides in a bit, because you left it to rise way longer than an hour and it’s absurdly broad and flat. Score the top.
Step 6: bake 30 minutes at “just below medium-high.”
And then you may eat.
What I learned from baking real bread
There is a reason that the instructions are always to “cool on a wire rack.” I let it cool on the baking sheet, and the bottom of my loaf is now mushy and has these light-colored wet bumps that look like blisters or some kind of infection. Will not be showing the underside to anyone.
Put a frying pan on medium heat. Assemble sandwiches thusly:
Side A: first cheese, then beef, then sauerkraut
Side B: thousand island
Drop side B on top of side A. Melt a dollop of butter in the now-hot pan, and then place your sandwich. It is advisable not to do this on medium-high, or yours will end up looking like mine. (You will probably also get better results by cooking them one at a time – more even heat distribution = less burn potential.)
Cook for a couple minutes on each side or until they look tasty.