Put salad ingredients in the food processor and liquefy them, because you’ve been eating nothing but soft fruits and polenta since yesterday and you really really just want to eat at least something that contains vegetables today.
This was not tasty like V8, and it was still not fit for consumption in my condition because chunks of crunchy carrot and leathery tomato skins were still floating in there unprocessed. Homemade vegetable juice sans juicer was a fail all around.
Real bread, with yeast! Not beer bread (though that one is not bad…but it doesn’t really count as bread.)
Recipe here. I didn’t add millet, because wtf is millet, but that was the only thing I changed.
Step 1: bring the yeast to life in warm water until they’re “foamy.”
Step 2: add the flours + salt and place in an oiled bowl to double in size. (1 hour on the counter.)
Step 3: knead a bit.
Step 4: leave to rise one more hour.
Step 5: squish the sides in a bit, because you left it to rise way longer than an hour and it’s absurdly broad and flat. Score the top.
Step 6: bake 30 minutes at “just below medium-high.”
And then you may eat.
What I learned from baking real bread
There is a reason that the instructions are always to “cool on a wire rack.” I let it cool on the baking sheet, and the bottom of my loaf is now mushy and has these light-colored wet bumps that look like blisters or some kind of infection. Will not be showing the underside to anyone.
I knew semolina was a wheat flour used to make pasta, but beyond that, I knew nothing else about it. So I decided that if I were ever to encounter semolina in a grocery store, I would give it a try.
Well! At Carrefour today, I finally came across a bag of this mystical creamy treat. How thrilling. I decided I couldn’t wait on mushrooms and chicken to make the rest of Food & Wine’s dish, so I scaled the cooking instructions down to a single serving just so that I could try it.
I threw in some cheese, and served it with some sliced avocado and cherry tomatoes on the side. (No picture of that.)
The dish tasted oddly…familiar. The texture and color were really familiar too. It almost reminded me of something I used to eat as a kid.
Put a frying pan on medium heat. Assemble sandwiches thusly:
Side A: first cheese, then beef, then sauerkraut
Side B: thousand island
Drop side B on top of side A. Melt a dollop of butter in the now-hot pan, and then place your sandwich. It is advisable not to do this on medium-high, or yours will end up looking like mine. (You will probably also get better results by cooking them one at a time – more even heat distribution = less burn potential.)
Cook for a couple minutes on each side or until they look tasty.
“That was delicious. Don’t ever make it again.”
2 tbsp olive oil (plus more for frying the patties)
1/2 c finely chopped yellow and red bell pepper
1/2 c finely chopped red onion
3 tbsp grated carrot
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons finely chopped kalamata olives
4 small portobella mushrooms, washed and chopped
pinch of salt and black pepper to taste
2 glasses white wine
1 15oz can chickpeas
about 15 oz refried black beans
3 heaping tablespoons of a mix of the following spices in equal proportions:
red pepper flakes
1/2 c rolled oats
1/2 c cooked leftover rice
1/4 c tahini (sesame paste)
Let’s do this.
Chop your veggies, put a large pan on medium heat (medium-low if your pan is thin) and put the olive oil in. Then add all your chopped vegetation along with the salt and pepper. Let them saute until everthing is soft and the onions are translucent. Maybe 10 minutes.
If you remember, you can add a few tablespoons of white wine to the pan. If not, drown your sorrows in a glass of wine.
Once the veggies are done, take them off the heat and add in the chickpeas (drained and rinsed, please), refried beans, spice mixture, oats, and rice. Mix. Finally, beat the two eggs in a small bowl and dump them in on top of everything. Mix again.
Now would be a good time to remember that you wanted to add tahini, so bust out your industrial-sized jar and mix in 1/4 cup of it.
Now you’re ready to cook. Put a large lidded frying pan on medium heat and add some olive oil. Dump in some big heaps of your mix to create some rough patty shapes. You don’t have to make them this absurdly large, though.
Let them cook with the lid on for 5-6 minutes on each side, or until the insides don’t look wet anymore.
I served them with a spinach/tomato salad and mashed potatoes, plus an assortment of cheeses because I was too lazy to grate some for the potatoes so I thought that if I made a “choose your own cheese bar” maybe my family wouldn’t notice.
Adapted from this Veggie Patties recipe by the most annoying person on Food Network.