Oreo Cookie Peanut Butter

This is going to be the only thing I put into my mouth until the jars are empty.

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Tastes like incredibly fudgy, chocolately brownie batter filled with crack and a satisfying hint of peanut butter.  This is more dangerous than Nutella.

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Ingredients

22 Oreo cookies (Argenfriends: that’s two of these)
2.5 tbsp peanut butter
~1.5 tbsp peanut oil (walnut oil or a neutral-flavored veg oil would also work)
2-4 tbsp milk (ideally not skim)

Grind the Oreos in a food processor until they’re nothing but tiny crumbs.  Then add the peanut butter and oil, and let the food processor run for an eternity.  Mine was going for about ten minutes, with interruptions to scrape down the sides of the bowl.  (Mine is a piece of shit, though, so yours might not take so long.)

The reason you’re letting it grind for such a long time is to get all the cookie crumbs smooth and moistened.  But even after ten minutes, the texture will still be very grainy and it’ll look kind of like a ball of dough rolling around in there.  Drizzle in the milk to help turn it into butter – start with two tablespoons, and if it’s still not as smooth as you’d like, add a little more.

Thank you, giant box of Oreos from Makro (a.k.a. the Costco of Argentina).

oreos from makro

Dear friends and family – what Oreo recipes do YOU want to see?

I’m so happy that you’re all a part of my life.  I’d like to make my Oreos a part of yours.

The box above contains 36 sleeves of Oreos (that’s 396 cookies) that are to be consumed before their expiration on July 16, 2016.  What Oreo snacks do YOU want me to make?

The winner will receive:

A personal Oreo chef!

I will visit your house and make your Oreo dessert for you.  I’ll also do your dishes.

Or if you don’t want a personal Oreo chef…

A memorable souvenir package of these Oreos!  (Warning: might be expired by the time I get them to you.)

Comment/email/Facebook me your idea.  Please.  Please participate.  I have so many Oreos.

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Oreo Cookie Peanut Butter

Apple Pie Cheesecake

From Pinterest to your table.

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Reviews:
“Mmmm, it smells good”
– Lara

“Why does it smell like apples”
– Mom

“Fabulous and cracked”
– Dad

“Can I have another piece”
– Katrina

Ingredients:
1 block neufchatel
1 block cream cheese
1/4 c sour cream
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1/4 c maple syrup
1/3 c brown sugar
1/4 c white sugar
3 tbsp green bottle lemon juice
heavy pinch salt
5 eggs

Crust:
1 1/4 c graham cracker crumbs
2 tbsp white sugar
1 stick butter

Apple topping:
3 chopped apples
3 tablespoons brown sugar
big squirt fresh lime juice
cinnamon
nutmeg
10 cloves
handful of chopped pecans
2 tbsp white wine
1-2 tsp corn starch (if you’re in a rush)
2 tsp vanilla extract

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Tip: count how many cloves you put in the apple topping, because you’ll have to pick them out before you put it on the cake.

Apple Pie Cheesecake

Chocolate Blueberry Cheesecake (Crappy)

competitors
The winner: apple-blueberry crumble with ice cream (lower right)

Third chocolate dish in a row.  This was for a baking competition at work, which was held in honor of someone’s birthday.  The requirements:
a) “Jared doesn’t like dulce de leche”
b) “Jared likes blueberries”

I am not fond of blueberry desserts, and dulce de leche is my secret weapon for making any dessert more awesome.  So I’m justifying my defeat by suggesting that this was a battle I just wasn’t meant to win.

It could also be karma.  I may have tried to “cheat” a bit by giving Jared of survey of my potential dessert ideas.  It looked like this:

Chocolate – yes or no?  (yes)
Cheesecake – yes or no?  (yes)
Coffee cake – yes or no?  (yes)
Cinnamon – yes or no?  (“meh”)
Lemon – yes or no?  (“meh”)
Danish – yes or no?  (“meh”)
Favorite Argentine supermarket cookie?  Toddy.

So thus my idea for a blueberry-lemon cheesecake danish went out the window and was replaced with a repulsively disgusting terrible idea: mix all the positive responses together in one dessert!  AND…to avoid the risk of overcooking the cheesecake, let’s make it no-bake!

blueberry cheesecake
Barfberry cheesecake

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!

I did it anyway.  What was I thinking.

Reviews
“What’s in the crust?”
– Archer from client management

“What’s in the marquise?”
– Kortney from HR

“What’s in the blueberry sauce?”
– Helen from sales

(**I think I got a lot of questions about what was in this because no one could figure out what the hell kind of weird creation they were eating)

The Horrifying Recipe

It’s this famous cheesecake recipe, with the following additions/substitutions:

Crust
Replace graham cracker crumbs with crushed Toddy cookies and graham-cracker-esque cookies

Filling
Add ~2/3 cup sifted cocoa powder plus 150g (like 1/2 cup?) of cooled chocolate ganache.  The result will be a filling that tastes like cocoa powder and not much else.

Blueberry Topping
Cook a pint of blueberries in a saucepan until they’re soft, then add about 1/4 cup of sugar and several tablespoons of lemon juice plus a pinch of lemon zest.  Then taste it and pucker because you added way too much lemon juice.  So balance out the lemon with some frozen emergency berries from the freezer (lucky save) and extra sugar.  It will taste weird but passable.

wrapped-up cheesecake
We’re all wrapped up and ready to travel!

Lesson learned: a recipe that works because of it’s simplicity will cease to impress if you try to make it more complicated.

Chocolate Blueberry Cheesecake (Crappy)

How Not to Make Caramel Sauce (Crappy)

Today’s experiment began when I watched a show on El Gourmet, a.k.a. the Agentine Food Network, where the chef dumped nothing but brown sugar into a pan and made the easiest caramel sauce ever.  It bubbled into a molten sugar soup, and after adding a generous pat of butter, the sauce became smooth and shiny and ready to coat her popcorn.

Now wouldn’t that be nice to top my leftover banana bread?  NO.

melted caramel sauce

Ingredients
Muscovado sugar
Butter
Salt
Cream cheese

Virginia Sar
“I made it look so easy, didn’t I?”

Start with a non-stick pan over medium-low heat.  Put a few spoonfuls of sugar in it and leave it alone for a few minutes, just like Virginia Sar did.

Ok, I actually have no idea how long she left it on the heat, and I don’t know if I was supposed to leave the room while it was heating.  I’m guessing I was not because when I came back, it was burned and my apartment was starting to smell horrible.

The pan was so hot that the sugar-lava continued to melt and burn while I was trying to evacuate it.  Since I had to boil water in the pan to clear it out, I was treated to the fragrant aroma of burned cane sugar all over again.

pan
The pan lives to fry another day

No more stove.

my microwave
True story: found a cockroach in here a few months ago
Finlandia cream cheese
It’s not Philadelphia – it’s “Finlandia!”

For my second attempt, I put some sugar in a baby coffee cup, saran-wrapped it shut, and nuked it on medium until it was bubbly and just about to reach up and incorporate itself with the plastic wrap.

Put a small pat of butter in there with the melted sugar, let the butter dissolve, and mix it up.  Add salt.  This stuff will harden, but for a spreadable sauce, add some cream cheese.

It came out okay, but this sugar has a weird aftertaste, so I probably won’t make it again.  It might be better with brown sugar.

caramel spread on bread
Like my plates?  So that you always know what to put on them.
How Not to Make Caramel Sauce (Crappy)