Oreo Walnut Brownies of Failure

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Last Saturday I decided to throw together a last-minute batch of brownies for Leandro to take to a cookout with “the guys.”  Both because I was in the mood to bake, and because I’m practicing being a good Armenian housewife.

I’ve been using the Epicurious Cocoa Brownies recipe forever, but have never actually followed their recommended procedure (which is to melt the sugar, butter, salt, and cocoa together in a saucepan before adding the other ingredients). I’ve always just done the wet + dry method.  So this time, I set out to follow the recipe instructions and see whether they come out any better than they usually do.

The answer was “no” and a bunch of swear words.

Reviews

“We are men, our comments are like Twitter bots…we just munch saying ‘yum.'”
– Leandro

Ingredients

See here, plus:
1 extra egg
3/4 cup walnuts
1 cup pulverized Oreo crumbs (like when you put Oreos in a food processor)

The afternoon started off well – I did a good job pouring the sugar.  Into the pot it all goes.

This was not. Coming. Together.  The cocoa was solidifying into chunks that floated in melted butter.  I don’t think sifting it would have helped.  This procedure is a giant fail.

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This is the vomitous base of my brownies, transferred to a glass bowl in the hopes that the extra stirring room would help it come together.

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It worked (kinda), but this still looks pretty horrid.  At least it’s mixed enough that I can add eggs.

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“All this chocolate sure smells nice.  Would be a shame if someone were to poop in the kitchen.”

By this time, I was frustrated and worried enough about the outcome of these brownies that I no longer cared to follow the Epicurious recipe exactly.  So I added 3 eggs, then the flour, and then some walnuts and a cup of pulverized Oreo crumbs.  The result was horrifically, cloyingly sweet.  Oops.

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Oh, well.  Into the oven it went.

They were extremely sweet and rich, but certainly not bad at all.  At least the crackly top came out nice.

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Verdict: Possibly suitable for 5-year-olds due to the extreme sugar content, but no 5-year-old’s mother would want their kid to eat this.  Probably would not make this again.  (Definitely not using this procedure.)

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Oreo Walnut Brownies of Failure

Farina With Katrina (And Other Food Adventures)

The horrors!!!

The return of Farina!

Ingredients:

1/3 cup Farina
1/3 cup water
1/3 cup milk
Pinch of salt
Maple syrup
Peanut butter
Cinnamon

Boil water. Mix in Farina.  Mix in salt & milk.

Eat with nostalgia.

We also went for cannolis, and discovered some shockingly, mouth-wateringly enormous and swirly peanut butter cups.

Kars bought me one, even though I told her not to, because she is a kind janitor.  ❤

Found in Boston: What a delicious snack!  Nasty black olives in a fruit cup!  Just what every eight-year-old wants in their lunchbox.

Farina With Katrina (And Other Food Adventures)

Milk Chocolate Sugar Pudding (Using 24 Egg Yolks in a Week)

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The past seven days have been a quest to use up a tupperware of 24 egg yolks before they went bad. I did it. Here’s the last thing I made:

Ingredients

3 egg yolks
1/4 c sugar
1/2 c milk
1/4 c low-fat cream cheese
3 oz chocolate
1 tbsp corn starch (if you need it)
1 tsp vanilla extract

Beat the yolks, sugar, and milk really well. Put it over low heat and keep stirring. (Do not stop stirring or you’ll get an omelette.)

When it gets pretty warm, add the cream cheese and let it melt (keep stirring). Add the chocolate in small chunks, a few at a time, stirring until it melts. Keep stirring until the mixture has started to thicken a little bit. If you need it, you can add some corn starch – it’s better to take it off the heat before it’s completely thickened than risk getting scrambled eggs.

When it’s cooled a bit, add the vanilla.

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Other things I made with 24 egg yolks:

Bread pudding in the microwave: D
Bread pudding in the microwave, second try: D
Lemon curd: A+
Vanilla ice cream: B-

Milk Chocolate Sugar Pudding (Using 24 Egg Yolks in a Week)

Gluten-Free Brownies (Made With Rice Flour)

When one of your diners suddenly has dietary restrictions, new ingredients offer a unique excuse to bake more often.  “Got to try out this recipe before I make it for anyone else.”

You’ll need to make every new thing at least twice…three times if it was really good.

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Baked goods up the wazoo.  Today’s dish is a pan of gluten-free brownies, made with rice flour and adapted from this cookie recipe.

Reviews

“Chocosensational…they are nice and makes you fuzzy”
– Leandro

Ingredients

1/4 c butter, melted
100 g semisweet chocolate, melted
2 tbsp plain yogurt
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp espresso or strong coffee
1/3 c brown sugar
2/3 cup granulated sugar
3 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c cocoa powder
1/2 c rice flour
2 tbsp corn starch

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Chocolate + butter
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3 eggs.  Why not.
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The rice flour…looks like a giant bag of baking soda.

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Such silky batter.  I knew at this point that the brownies weren’t going to turn out quite right, because brownie batter is not supposed to look like frosting.

Baked for 27 minutes on “medium.”

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Quite spongy and more cake-like than brownies.

Very fudgy, though.

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Yes, I cut out the middle piece because I’m an animal.

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Not bad.  I’ve got big plans for the rest of this pan of brownies.  Stay tuned…

Gluten-Free Brownies (Made With Rice Flour)

Oreo Rice (CRAP)

I’m sorry, Mom.  My Oreo rice wasn’t good.  I guess I wasn’t the right person to carry out your dream.

I let you down.

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Recipe: http://www.buzzfeed.com/melissaharrison/how-to-make-oreo-rice

Oreo rice photo journal

Step 1. Gathering the ingredients.

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Oh, yeah – I substituted soy milk for milk.  That might have had something to do with it.

Step 2. Butter in a pan…waiting for some rice grains which it can lovingly coat.

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Step 3. Rice + soy milk in the pot.

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Forgot to stir the rice in the butter, which made for some nice sticking later.

Step 4. Once boiling again, added the Oreos.

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This photo is upside-down but I am too lazy to fix it

Step 5. After letting it cook covered for 15 minutes.  Didn’t add enough soy milk from the start, so I had to supplement with more and leave it to cook for a while longer.

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Ever had your house smell like rice and Oreos at the same time?  I have.

Step 6. Eating my disappointment.

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I topped mine with dulce de leche.  The white stuff was more soy milk that I poured on top in an attempt to make it creamier.  (It was unsuccessful.)

 

Oreo Rice (CRAP)

I finally made Lumps of Coal

Been itching to try these since I first saw them on Pinterest…and I finally found a bag of non-fruit-flavored marshmallows to make it with!

They taste like biting into a highly compressed and chewy mass of solid Oreo.  So if that doesn’t sound appealing, maybe don’t try this.

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One more ticked off from the Pinterest to-do list

Ingredients

Oreos (33 cookies)
1/4 c butter
5 handfuls jumbo marshmallows

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  1. Line a pan with parchment and butter it heavily.
  2. Pulverize Oreos into crumbs.
  3. Heat butter on low until it melts.  Add marshmallows and keep stirring.
  4. When the marshmallows are melted, stir in the Oreo crumbs.
  5. It’ll set quick, so work fast: take it off the heat and press the goo into the greased pan.  Let it set in the fridge.  (They taste better cold, so it’s best to leave them for a while.)
I finally made Lumps of Coal

Oreo Potato Chip Brownies (Weird)

My second attempt at Oreo man bars, but after cooking them they turned into brownies.

Reviews

“They’re ‘chocolate chip’ brownies…heeeeheehee”
– Leandro

How to make ’em

Start with some Oreos in a food processor.  I think I used 22 Oreos, and maybe 5 or 6 sheets of graham crackers?  Crumbs go in a bowl, along with a can of sweetened condensed milk and a teaspoon of vanilla.

After stirring and tasting, I realized that it was painfully sweet and needed something salty and bulky to balance it out.  Salted peanuts or pretzels would have been perfect, but I had neither.  But you know what I did have?

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Heeheeehee.

Mixed them until the chips were all broken up.

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Still tasted better raw than baked

Next, into the oven on “medium-low” for 20-ish minutes.

The tops were crackly, and the texture was very brownie-like (albeit a bit dry because mine burned around the edges).  So sadly, these cannot be called man bars.

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There was no potato chip flavor in the finished product.

 

 

Oreo Potato Chip Brownies (Weird)