Oreo Walnut Brownies of Failure

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Last Saturday I decided to throw together a last-minute batch of brownies for Leandro to take to a cookout with “the guys.”  Both because I was in the mood to bake, and because I’m practicing being a good Armenian housewife.

I’ve been using the Epicurious Cocoa Brownies recipe forever, but have never actually followed their recommended procedure (which is to melt the sugar, butter, salt, and cocoa together in a saucepan before adding the other ingredients). I’ve always just done the wet + dry method.  So this time, I set out to follow the recipe instructions and see whether they come out any better than they usually do.

The answer was “no” and a bunch of swear words.

Reviews

“We are men, our comments are like Twitter bots…we just munch saying ‘yum.'”
– Leandro

Ingredients

See here, plus:
1 extra egg
3/4 cup walnuts
1 cup pulverized Oreo crumbs (like when you put Oreos in a food processor)

The afternoon started off well – I did a good job pouring the sugar.  Into the pot it all goes.

This was not. Coming. Together.  The cocoa was solidifying into chunks that floated in melted butter.  I don’t think sifting it would have helped.  This procedure is a giant fail.

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This is the vomitous base of my brownies, transferred to a glass bowl in the hopes that the extra stirring room would help it come together.

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It worked (kinda), but this still looks pretty horrid.  At least it’s mixed enough that I can add eggs.

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“All this chocolate sure smells nice.  Would be a shame if someone were to poop in the kitchen.”

By this time, I was frustrated and worried enough about the outcome of these brownies that I no longer cared to follow the Epicurious recipe exactly.  So I added 3 eggs, then the flour, and then some walnuts and a cup of pulverized Oreo crumbs.  The result was horrifically, cloyingly sweet.  Oops.

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Oh, well.  Into the oven it went.

They were extremely sweet and rich, but certainly not bad at all.  At least the crackly top came out nice.

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Verdict: Possibly suitable for 5-year-olds due to the extreme sugar content, but no 5-year-old’s mother would want their kid to eat this.  Probably would not make this again.  (Definitely not using this procedure.)

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Oreo Walnut Brownies of Failure

Brownie Vanilla Coconut Milk Ice Cream

It has arrived.

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It’s pink!

Remember when I said that I had big plans for Sunday’s brownies?  Well, this was my plan.

Reviews

“It’s nice”
– Leandro

Ingredients

400g coconut milk
1/3 cup soy milk
4 egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
pinch salt
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tray of brownies, cut into small cubes and frozen overnight

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Coconut milk and soy milk go into a double boiler.

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Eggs are whisked and tempered with hot coco-milk.

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Add sugar and whisky whisky.

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Aww, look how cute they are.  Maybe I will keep them.

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Add vanilla once the ice cream base has cooled a bit.  Let it chill in the fridge until it’s really cold.

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After churning in the machine, ice cream will be at soft-serve consistency.  At this stage, frozen brownie cubes were added to the ice cream and it was put in the freezer to harden.

And the final result…

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Eaten while watching Game of Thrones.  What new adventures will my pink ice cream machine bring next?!

Brownie Vanilla Coconut Milk Ice Cream

Gluten-Free Brownies (Made With Rice Flour)

When one of your diners suddenly has dietary restrictions, new ingredients offer a unique excuse to bake more often.  “Got to try out this recipe before I make it for anyone else.”

You’ll need to make every new thing at least twice…three times if it was really good.

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Baked goods up the wazoo.  Today’s dish is a pan of gluten-free brownies, made with rice flour and adapted from this cookie recipe.

Reviews

“Chocosensational…they are nice and makes you fuzzy”
– Leandro

Ingredients

1/4 c butter, melted
100 g semisweet chocolate, melted
2 tbsp plain yogurt
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp espresso or strong coffee
1/3 c brown sugar
2/3 cup granulated sugar
3 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c cocoa powder
1/2 c rice flour
2 tbsp corn starch

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Chocolate + butter
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3 eggs.  Why not.
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The rice flour…looks like a giant bag of baking soda.

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Such silky batter.  I knew at this point that the brownies weren’t going to turn out quite right, because brownie batter is not supposed to look like frosting.

Baked for 27 minutes on “medium.”

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Quite spongy and more cake-like than brownies.

Very fudgy, though.

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Yes, I cut out the middle piece because I’m an animal.

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Not bad.  I’ve got big plans for the rest of this pan of brownies.  Stay tuned…

Gluten-Free Brownies (Made With Rice Flour)

Oreo Rice Banana Brownies

What to do with leftover Oreo rice?  The only thing I know how with

AAAUUGHHHHHHH WHYYYYYYYY didn’t I put it in the food processor?!?!?!!  That way there wouldn’t be awkward disgusting grains of rice in my brownies.  I DON’T FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THIS I AM SO STUPIIIIDDDDDDDD

Ok back to the recipe.  But really, I am stupid.

With my leftover Oreo rice, I did the only thing I know how with chocolatey starchy goops: turn them into brownie batter.

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With chocolate milk powder on top, because I’m disgusting

Ingredients

4 oz semisweet chocolate
3 tbsp butter
1 egg
1 mashed banana
1/3 c sugar (half brown, half white)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 batch Oreo rice

Procedure

Melt the chocolate and butter in the microwave and mix them together.  Let it cool a minute and then mix in the egg and sugar.  Stir in the mashed banana and vanilla.

Mix in the Oreo rice.  If you aren’t as stupid as me, you would run it through the food processor first so that you don’t have huge nasty-ass chunks of rice in your nice brownies.

Bake in a buttered 8×8-inch pan at “medium-low” for about 25 minutes.

Verdict

Very moist and chocolatey, but about as tasty as you would expect a brownie full of rice to be.  Not sure I will serve this to anyone.

Oreo Rice Banana Brownies

Oreo Potato Chip Brownies (Weird)

My second attempt at Oreo man bars, but after cooking them they turned into brownies.

Reviews

“They’re ‘chocolate chip’ brownies…heeeeheehee”
– Leandro

How to make ’em

Start with some Oreos in a food processor.  I think I used 22 Oreos, and maybe 5 or 6 sheets of graham crackers?  Crumbs go in a bowl, along with a can of sweetened condensed milk and a teaspoon of vanilla.

After stirring and tasting, I realized that it was painfully sweet and needed something salty and bulky to balance it out.  Salted peanuts or pretzels would have been perfect, but I had neither.  But you know what I did have?

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Heeheeehee.

Mixed them until the chips were all broken up.

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Still tasted better raw than baked

Next, into the oven on “medium-low” for 20-ish minutes.

The tops were crackly, and the texture was very brownie-like (albeit a bit dry because mine burned around the edges).  So sadly, these cannot be called man bars.

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There was no potato chip flavor in the finished product.

 

 

Oreo Potato Chip Brownies (Weird)

Dulce de Leche Oreo Lava Brownies

This is the best chocolate lava recipe I’ve done.  Just forget the other ones on this blog.

Warning: there might be a lot of sugar in this.

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Reviews

“It is a sugar bomb”
– Leandro

Ingredients

1/2 banana, mashed
1/4 c melted butter
3 oz melted chocolate
1/2 c sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 c flour
1/2 c cocoa powder
1/4 tsp salt
11 Oreo cookies, quartered roughly
2/3 c dulce de leche repostero (MUST be “repostero” or “para reposteria.”)

Mix banana, butter, melted chocolate, sugar, egg, and vanilla in a large bowl.  Add the flour, cocoa, and salt and mix for several minutes to combine everything (and produce some gluten, which makes brownies nice and chewy).

Add the Oreos and stir to incorporate them.  Pour the batter into a well-buttered 8×8-inch pan.

Stir the dulce de leche in the jar to smooth it out a bit, and then dollop globs of it on top of the brownie pan.  You’re going to swirl it with a knife or spatula to make it fun and pretty.

Bake at “medium-low” (maybe 300°F?) for 18-20 minutes.  It should be done only around the edges and still liquid in the center – and suitable for eating in a bowl.  Quite delicious.  Quite delicious indeed.

No glamour shots of the plated product because it was so good that once I was eating it I didn’t care about the blog anymore.

Dulce de Leche Oreo Lava Brownies